Fly Wars
by paintedbynumbers
Summary: Ani,Luke,ObiWan,Yoda and the rest of the gang get stranded on a desert island in the middle of nowhere. Things start to get a bit tricky when everyone starts turning to the dark side. Based on Lord of the Flies by William Golding.
1. Blow your conch, Master Luke

Ok, so our class just finished reading **William Golding's Lord of the Flies.** It was okay, but pretty boring. Then it was raining this afternoon so I was stuck at home, which was pretty boring. So I decided to try a Star Wars- Lord of the flies crossover, but not sure if it's good...please R&R with ideas/comments etc! If you haven't read LOTF you might not follow the plot, but since its all so mixed up anyway it doesn't make much difference XD!

Luke Skywalker walked onto the beach.

He looked around and realized he seemed to be alone. The sea shone bright and clear in front of him, and behind him there was some think forest undergrowth. He wondered if anyone else had survived the ship crash. He hoped they were all safe, wherever they were. He yawned, stretched, and set his course for the forest behind him.

Hetrampled across creepy snake like vine things for the next hour. Bugs and dirt and leaves fell into his hair, and he screamed in frustration. Pretty soon, spider webs glued the stuff to his hair altogether and voila, a makeover for free. He had a feeling Uncle Owen would be frowning disapprovingly up in heaven.

"Sorry," he said apologetically to the sky.

Suddenly he found his way out of the forest and found himself in the middle of nowhere. His fellow comrades were nowhere to be seen. It was very quiet and for once he missed having Threepio around to chatter needlessly about trivial and random things in that infuriating way of his. he sobbed and sobbed and was about to have a breakdown, but then he spotted a pretty shell lying a few metres across from him.

"Ooh a pretty shell" he said, and stopped crying. He ran across the sand eagerly, like a kid running for candy. Back on Tatooine there had never been shells. It was all desert and sunburns and bad tans. Picking it up, he saw it was swirly pink and round. It would look very pretty as a necklace for Chewbacca back on the- oh right they crashed. Anyway.

"Please excuse me sir for interrupting, but may I suggest you blow your conch?" a familiar voice sounded from behind Luke.

"Threepio!" Luke cried, half relieved and half dreadingly, realizing if they didn't find any other survivors he would be stuck with the annoying gold droid for perhaps the rest of his life.

"Yes, sir, yes! Oh I AM so relieved to see you alive, by the way, you wouldn't have had a chance to see R2 by any chance have you? I've been searching for that near-sighted scrap pile for the past hour, WHERE he's gotten to again I don't wish to even think about-,"

"WHAT did you tell me to do just before, Threepio?" Luke interrupted.

"To blow your conch, sir. I feel it may be of some use in this desolate place."

"Blow my WHAT?" Luke almost shouted.

"Your conch, sir, your CONCH! Blow it sir, blow it hard!"

"You are disgusting, Threepio. Even for a droid." Luke kicked the robot over.

"I AM sorry sir, I was only trying to help! My auntie back in etiquette school always told me I should be helpful and opiniate my thoughts out loud lest they be of any help-oh my R2-D2, is that you!"

Beep- R2 walked-er, slided over.

"Oh it IS you, you overweight glob of grease. I was oh so worried about you. R2 would you please explain to master Luke about the necessity to blow his conch?"

R2 beeped intelligently.

"Oh, to blow the conch SHELL! I thought Threepio meant- nevermind." Luke finished, disgusted by his own immature and perverted presumptions.

Luke raised the shell to his lips and blew. A long, monotone note sounded so dulling, everything on the Island fell asleep.

Luke frowned. "Hmm how about this, then." He blew the conch again, this time to the sound of the star wars theme song.

_DA DAN DAA DA DA DA DAAA DANNN_ –

"Deafening and disturbing, that is. Change the tune, I suggest." Yoda popped out from behind a tree.

"Um, okay," Luke said, now quite confused. "How about this then?"

The melody of Hit me baby, one more time rang out and echoed amongst the trees.

"Better, much better," Yoda said, gleefully. "Turns me on, Britney Spears does. Get my groove on, I want to." He started dancing and grooving to the beat.

Luke was highly disturbed and concentrated all his mind on meditating while he waited for other comrades to arrive. Surely they couldn't have missed THAT. Meanwhile, he could hear Ol' Ben Kenobi laughing from his dead Jedi sanctuary.

Suddenly there was a large "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" as who else but (oh the horror) Jar Jar Binks flew through the air and landed, dizzy, at Yoda's feet. Yoda immediately stopped dancing, his happy mood instantly disappearing at the sight of the floppy-eared gungan. Jar Jar got up, shaking his head violently. Ear wax flew out, covering the tiny Yoda from head to foot.

"Disgusted, I am." Yoda muffled under the thick blanket of wax. But it was really sunny, so the wax turned into like candle wax, and then the sun went back to sleep. So basically, Yoda ended up as a wax statue like in house of wax, only he was only two feet tall so no one noticed.

Jar Jar failed to notice also, and looked out curiously. "Whosa yousa? Yousa look'n so familiar Mister!"

"Errrr," Luke was at a loss for words. Of course he hadn't met the irksome gungun yet. And gladly so. " I don't think so mister ……"

"Meesa name Jar Jar! Jar Jar Binks mesa called! Whatsa yousas name mister?" Jar Jar babbled happily in his irritating JarJarvoice.

"Hi…Jar Jar. Errr I'm Luke…Skywalker. Nice to meet you…..sa." Luke said at a loss for words.

"Seen any of the others, have you Jar Jar?" Yoda inquired, muffled under his wax silhouette.

"Huh? Whosa say dat? Whosa talking to mesa? Stop hiding and come play with mesa!" Jar Jar said playfully.

Luke sighed. He kicked Jar Jar swiftly in his… and Jar Jar fell back and fainted. He had no choice.

"Thank you," Yoda mumbled.

Suddenly there was another crash in the undergrowth. Two girls came out, bickering loudly.

"YOU copied ME! You unoriginal FREAK!" one shouted.

"Oh yeah? Then how come YOU look exactly like ME!" the other shouted back.

"Er maybe because YOU copied ME so YOU look like ME because YOU copied ME, not ME copied YOU like you think because YOU copied ME! MEMEMEMEME!"

"So? I look prettier than you ANYWAY."

"You so do NOT. You're so disfigured you look like…like…"

"Ha you're insulting YOURSELF!"

"So are YOU!"

"Ladies!" Luke cried hastily. They both turned around, glaring. They looked exactly the same, down to the last hair strand hanging out of their crazy, gravity-defying hairdos.

"What?" They both snapped in unison.

Luke didn't know how to react to the two clones, so he decided to try the welcoming act Aunt Beru had spent every Saturday morning teaching him.

"Were you two in the spaceship before it crashed? Do you know anyone else who also survived? I'm Luke Skywalker, friend of Han Solo, captain of the Millenium Falcon, the ship which sank-,"

"Er yeah. And if it wasn't for this..this FREAK here next to me we would still be on it-," the girl on the left said.

"Excuse ME, you will address me PROPERLY, with respect as I am SENATOR," the one on the right chimed in.

"Excuse ME your highly respected SENATORESS, but I was the one who was QUEEN-," the one on the left argued.

"Yeah as an impostor for ME! Incase you don't remember I was so important I was having people trying to KILL me, and all YOU were was a HANDMAIDEN-,"

"POSING as a handmaiden-,"

Luke tried again. "Perhaps we should start with names. I'm Luke as you know. This little droid is R2D2-,"

beep- R2 beeped.

"This wax statue here is actually Yoda, little green, two feet tall, 800 something years old jedi."

"Master, Young Luke. Jedi MASTER, am I, best lightsaber fighter am I too." Yoda cut in indignantly.

"Well for a jedi master his english grammar sure sucks," the girl on the left remarked.

"So does yours," the girl on the right snapped. "What's that gold lump there?"

"Hello, I am C3PO, Human Cyborg Relations-," Threepio began.

"Ow! What is THAT!" the girl who was on the right but who no longer was because she had tripped over Jar Jar, said.

"Actually, I don't really know myself," Luke admitted. "Anyway. What are YOUR names?"

"Padme," the girl on the right said.

"Sabe," the girl on the left said.

"Ok…well nice to meet you both!" Luke was very disturbed. They both looked and reminded him a lot of his sister Leia. "So er, how do I tell you girls apart? I mean you look exactly the same-,"

"Because SHE'S a clone of ME," Padme said, glaring at Sabe.

"But SHE copied ME-," Sabe glared back.

Luke rolled his eyes.

"Well, I am SENATOR of Naboo, while she is just my HANDMAIDEN-," Padme tried again.

"But I was QUEEN of Naboo while SHE was PRETENDING to be my handmaiden-," Sabe retorted.

"I think there's an easier way," Luke muttered, and pulled on Sabe's elaborate hairdo. It came loose and trailed down her shoulders, down her back, down her legs…..

"You..you..what have you done to my HAIR!" Sabe shrieked in fury, while Padme giggled in glee.

"Now Anakin won't mix us up and he's all MINE now! MINE!" Padme shrieked delightedly.

The two promptly decided to attempt to pull out each other's hair.

Luke couldn't express his relief enough when he heard a trumpet sound somewhere close by. He heard marching, loud chatter, and a choir like chant of voices. Meanwhile the trumpet was blaring out…none other than the Darth Vader theme!

_DUN DUN DUN DUNDUN DUN DUNDUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUNDUN DUN DUNDUN DUN…_

Luke gasped and prepared for the end of the world.

The voices got closer.

"I'm sorry master," a voice said. "It was an accident! It won't happen again I promise!"

"Your innocent look doesn't fool me, Padawan. I fully know you did that on purpose."

"But I said I was sorry!" the voice said indignantly.

The other man sighed.

"Fine. I forgive you Padawan," he said wearily.

Luke stopped preparing for the world to end, and stood up.

"Hey! Where's Darth Vader?" Luke shouted out, embarrassed for having been so scared.

"Darth who?"

"Oh it's just you, Anakin. I heard the Darth Vader theme song playing, so I presumed he was coming to kill me. So I hid and prepared for the world to end."

"Heh." Anakin looked genuinely confused.

"Darth Vader doesn't appear until episode 3 when Anakin turns to the dark-," Palpatine, emerged from the shadows began. Obi-Wan Kenobi, standing next to him elbowed him sharply.

"Shh, don't spoil the plot," he whispered.

Anakin was REALLY baffled now.

Obi-Wan turned to face Luke.

"Ben! But you're dead!" Luke exclaimed, more confused than Anakin himself.

"Ben! But I'm not that old yet!" the man said worriedly. "I don't get called Ben Kenobi until I'm like, 60. I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi master."

"But Ben's dead," Luke insisted.

"I'm dead already? Oh dear." Obi-Wan/Ben also became very confused.

"Kid?" A familiar voice called out.

_Han Solo!_ Luke thought.

"Han!" Luke exclaimed. Finally someone he KNEW on this island!

"How you doing, kid? We thought we'd lost you!"

"I'm okay. Just confused. Leia!" Luke went over to hug his sister.

Leia hugged him back, but hissed menacingly in his ear. "You're going to pay for leaving me with that stuck-up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder for this long. This isn't over yet, brother."

Luke retreated sharply from his sister and went over to greet Chewbacca instead.

"And for leaving me with that walking carpet too!" Leia hissed.

"Excuse me sir, but might I suggest-," Threepio began. (You lot were wondering where he'd disappeared to, hadn't you?)

Luke turned around wearily.

"-that we take down names, so as to know who we have and who's still missing."

Luke was surprised that for once what Threepio said was useful and not just plain annoying.

"Ok. So, do we have..Anakin?"

"Here."

"Ben? I mean Obi-Wan? I mean-,"

"Here," Obi-Wan cut in, exasperated.

"Palpatine? Hey wait. You're Lord Sidious! You're the Emperor! You-"

Palpatine waved a hand, bored. "This is simply Chancellor Palpatine, head of the republic."

"This is simply Chancellor Palpatine, head of the republic," Luke repeated.

"He is the smartest, funniest, kindest, most fashionable, greatest person of all time." Palpatine waved his hand again.

"He is the smartest, funniest, kindest, most fashionable- hey but your clothes clash with your skin tone!" Luke tried.

"How can BLACK clash," Padme said, rolling her eyes. "BLACK is like, the new WHITE."

"Oh," an embarrassed Luke said. "Ok then. Han?"

"Here, kid."

"Leia?"

"I'm going to kill you." Leia said.

"Okay, Chewie?"

"Gahhhh."

"Padme and Sabe?"

"Hey MY name comes first! How much better does Sabe and Padme sound than Padme and Sabe?" Sabe argued.

"What, you two lovers or something?" Han asked, bored.

Luke carried on.

"R2?"

beep-

"Threepio?"

"Here sir."

"Grievous?"

A cough.

"Yoda?"

Silence.

"YODA?" Luke cried.

"Get me out of this wax, someone must." A muffled voice sounded from the wax statue where Chewbacca was currently sitting on.

Palpatine used Force Lightning to release the Jedi Master, who came out disgruntled and complaining. Using the Force, Palpatine kept Chewbacca floating in the air while the little green Jedi hobbled across with his walking stick.

"And unfortunately Jar Jar looks to be dead so I suppose he doesn't count," Luke said, quite relieved.

Everyone cheered.

Suddenly the gungun jumped up, squealing delightedly.

"Oh my, oh my! Everyones here! Mesa so happy to see yousa all!" Jar Jar exclaimed. Then he caught sight of Obi-Wan, looking absolutely petrified.

"Obi? OBI! Mesa so happy to see yousa!" Jar Jar leaped over and squeezed a terrified looking Obi Wan into a big hug.

Anakin smirked. "It's nice to see you're so loved, Master."

Obi Wan flipped him off.

Yoda nervously hobbled away. "With caution, this creature must be approached."

Leia clapped her hands for silence.

"Seeing as we appear to be stranded on this island because _somebody's_ ship-," Leia shot a meaningful look at Han Solo.

"Excuse _me, _your worshipfulness, but you were the one who kept insulting my ship. Ships have feelings too. The Falcon is very sensitive you know."

Leia ignored him and continued.

"-Failed to manage to jump into light speed at the right time, I think we should elect a leader, to uh, be the person in charge so we don't all go crazy."

"I agree," Padme said. "When faced with a problem, diplomatic solutions are always the way to go."

"I prefer aggressive negotiations," Anakin said, quirking his eyebrow.

"Yes well anyway. Seeing as this job demands leadership skills and knowledge of democracy and the demands of the public, it should be someone responsible, like a PRINCESS," Leia announced.

"Pardon me, your highness, but I feel that as a droid engineered to understand human emotions, understand 6 million languages fluently and understand everything technical, I feel I should be the leader," Threepio said.

"Yeah but I INVENTED you, so that makes ME the brains," Anakin said loftily. "Besides, I'm the CHOSEN ONE, doesn't that have ANY significance at all?"

Obi Wan, still struggling with an over enthusiastic Jar Jar shouted out, "But I'm the one who's TRAINING the chosen one! –struggle- He is still yet a Padawan!" he disappeared under Jar Jar's floppy ears.

"But I know the most about hairstyles and fashion, so I think I should be leader," Sabe said simply.

Everyone ignored her.

R2 beeped indignantly. –beep beep beep beepbeep beeeeeep-.

"Forget it, R2. No one can understand anything you say except for 'beep'."

"Gahhh," Chewbacca said.

"Neither can you say anything except 'gahh' too, Chewie," Han Solo said.

"Yoda, I am. Greatest swordsman alive, I am too. Given me wisdom, my old age has. Leader, I rightfully should be." Yoda said.

"No leader has grammatic problems!" Grievous injected.

"But have assmar, I do not," Yoda replied craftily.

"Mesa have an idea!" Jar Jar squealed, finally letting go of Obi Wan. "Mesa think dat wesa should all vote for whosa we think shoulda be leader!"

Everyone, even R2, who techinically had no eyes, stared in utter shock at the gungun who had just uttered something….intelligent.

Finally, when everyone had gotten over the shock 1233547342 hours later, Jar Jar had fallen asleep. They decided to vote.

"All right then. Who would like Master Ani for leader?" 3PO asked the audience.

"Memememe!" Sabe cried.

"And me too!" Padme shrieked.

"Me three!" Anakin yelled eagerly.

"I'm terribly sorry sir, but you're not allowed to vote for yourself. It would be an infringement to the rightful laws of voting," 3PO said.

"Aw, shucks," said the Chosen One.

"How about Master Yoda?" 3PO continued.

A few hands went up.

"Miss Padme?" 3PO asked.

Anakin lazily raised his hand. Everyone else had fallen asleep.

"Me?" 3PO asked hopefully.

Grievous snored mechanically.

"Oh all right, all right. How about Master Luke then?"

Everyone was still sleeping, but the ghost of Ben Kenobi got out a loudspeaker and suddenly yelled 'DARTH VADER SUCKS!' in everyone's ear really loudly, so everyone jumped up startled, their hands flinging wildly into air.

"Do not insult my appren-," Palpatine started.

Obi-Wan gave him a sharp nudge.

" I mean my apprehensive nature to be the smartest, funniest, kindest, most fashionable chancellor of all time," Palpatine muttered hastily. "What does apprehensive even mean?" he asked Obi-Wan, who shrugged.

"Well then. Master Luke is leader then." 3PO announced.

"I'm WHAT!" Luke woke up suddenly.

"You're leader, Luke. Congratulations," a sulking Leia said.

"Nice job, son," Anakin grinned. "You're now in charge of everyone's life and what they do here on this island from now on. _All your responsibility_."

"Oh NO," Luke groaned, distinctively seeing Jar Jar and 3PO in the crowd. "Why Ben why?"

Jar Jar bounded over. "Mesa so happy for yousa Lukey! Yousa shoulda be happy!"

"AHHHH GET AWAY FROM ME JAR JAR!" Luke yelled, and for the rest of the day Luke ran around the beach, trying to evade the crazy gungun chasing him.

To be continued….


	2. Head Cheerleader Palpatine

**Authors note: **Firstly thanks everyone that reviewed! I just did this out of sheer boredom and never expected anything of it so I really appreciate your views! If you have any ideas/comments etc PLEASE tell me. And just to confirm, all the prequel characters currently start off from AOTC, and gradually progress through the movies….yeah.

Anakin violently stabbed a nearby tree with his lightsaber for the 27th time.

"Stop that, Padawan. The buzzing sound is giving me a headache," Obi-Wan said tiredly.

"I'm sorry, master. I just think it's so unfair… WHY THE HELL CAN MY SON BE THE GODDAMN LEADER WHILE I CAN'T! I'M –THE- CHOSEN ONE! WHY? It's so unfair even the SITH LORD would feel sorry for me! Why? Why? No really, Why? WHY?"

"If you can say anything else I'll give you a cookie," Obi-Wan said sarcastically. Sith, for the chosen one he surely could whine!

"Really?" Anakin's eyes lit up like a puppy.

"Now, now, Anakin, patience. Anger leads to hate, hate leads to-," Yoda was reciting.

The Star Wars theme suddenly started playing somewhere on the island.

"Er, I guess Luke is calling an assembly," Obi-Wan said tentatively.

"Yes. Calling us to him, I sense his blowing is," Yoda said.

"But I don't WANNA! My own SON beat me to being leader! This is the most embarrassing thing that's ever HAPPENED to me! I'M the chosen one, I was handpicked by Qui-Gon, if I wasn't here Luke wouldn't even have been BORN-," Anakin started again.

"Padawan," Obi-Wan said threateningly. "Your cookie."

Anakin shut up.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Luke stopped blowing the conch and checked everyone was present by counting heads. He was dismayed to find no one was missing, which meant Jar Jar was still present and annoying as ever among their group.

"Ok, everyone's here. So. I did a quick scan of this island, and we seem to be alone. So er, since I'm leader-,"

Anakin groaned.

"-I think we should set up some rules so we can er, run the group in a democratic-?" Luke looked over at Leia for approval of vocabulary, and got a satisfying nod. "-Way and also so we all keep fairly civilized and all. After all, we ARE all jedi."

R2 and Chewbacca rose indignantly.

"Beep! Whistle beep!"

"Arrrr."

"Do evil sith lords count?" Palpatine questioned.

"What about –cough- highly intelligent droid fighting machines? –cough-," inquired Grievous, quite proud of his new title.

Luke became very nervous. "Mother," he said, glancing at Padme. "You're much better at this sort of thing. Why don't you take over for the time being?"

Padme gleefully jumped up and put on her senator voice. "Order in the court!"

"Ladies and gentlemen, comrades and aliens…."

Everyone fell asleep. Even Anakin couldn't stay awake despite the fact Padme had taken off her fancy dress and was practically in a corset.

"…So in conclusion the conch shell Luke found will give anyone the right to speak-," she was saying 5 hours later.

R2 beeped.

"Or beep…Everyone should help build shelters, because there might be a storm, and we could all end up getting blown away. And finally we should ignite some sort of signal fire, so any spaceships or speeder bikes that pass us will hopefully see us and take me to the nearest decent shower in the place. Any questions?"

"Why couldn't you have just told us this at the beginning?" Obi-Wan asked, groggily rubbing his eyes.

"Any _sensible _questions?"

"Excuse me, Miss Padme, but I feel we must address the all-around important issue of food on this desolate place. Without all the basic necessities like protein and calcium in our daily diet, our bodies will lack the recommended daily requirements and may cease to function properly-," Threepio chanted.

"So? At least we won't get fat," Sabe said.

"Nothing _you _say is sensible to begin with," Padme retorted.

Anakin stood up. Using the force, he levitated the conch towards him. Jar Jar leapt up trying to catch it, while Anakin bopped it up and down with his finger power. Eventually Anakin got fed up and purposely dropped it on Jar Jar's head. Jar Jar got knocked out and Anakin continued force grasping the conch towards him.

He put it to his mouth like a microphone. "Ok well I saw some fuzzy teddy bears in the forest while I was walking. I _suppose _Luke just _happened _not to see them. Don't know what help a _blind _leader is to the group but ANYWAY. Yeah I saw these fuzzy teddy bears running around. I think they'd make pretty good food, so who wants to be ultra-cool like me and be my HUNTERS? Hey why isn't my voice magnified?"

"You just HOLD it, Padawan. It's merely significant." Obi-Wan said tiredly.

"Oh," Anakin said, and didn't move the shell. "Ok anyone who wants to be cool and go hunt fuzzy teddy bears with me, stand up!"

Palpatine, Grievous, and Jar Jar stood up.

"Hey!" Anakin cried. "Why do I get all the bad guys!"

"So sue us," Palpatine sniffed. "We're evil. Evil people do things like kill teddy bears."

"Master? Are you sure you don't want to join in all the FUN?" Anakin said with pleading eyes darting towards Jar Jar.

"Oh no, Padawan," Obi-Wan said, barely able to keep the laughter in his voice. "I'm sure you wouldn't want to trouble yourself with all the number of times you have to _rescue _me. Besides, Jar Jar's not evil."

Anakin looked around helplessly. "Yeah? Oh YEAH? Well you guys are just…just…you guys are so UNCOOL! Only COOL people join the hunters, isn't that RIGHT hunters!" he said looking back at them.

Grievous coughed loudly.

"Any more matters?" Luke hurriedly snatched the conch away from his father.

"Mesa think'n dat-," Jar Jar began.

"-that youSA should shut up?" someone in the audience said.

"Oh man," Han Solo muttered. "Those damn Ewoks are back."

"Hey!" Leia said indignantly. "Those bears were CUTE!"

"Yeah, as cute as Anakin's ass…" Han muttered.

"Hey! Anakin's ass IS cute! You got a problem with that huh? HUH?" Padme cut in defiantly.

"All right, so what about this signal fire the kid's momma was going on about?" Han said, ignoring Padme.

"Oh you LISTENED?" Padme said, very pleased with herself.

"Not really," Han admitted, and Padme scowled. "So we can either burn some object really flammable, a new object each day, or we can use R2 to figure out something. I think the R2 option is much more er, environmentally friendly. So how about it kid?"

"Yeah okay, I guess." Luke replied, not really paying attention.

"Fear not, Luke. Fear, aside from a path to the darkside that being, forest on fire, we set anyway in this chapter." Yoda said sagely.

"Then what's the point of lighting a fire if everything's going to burn down anyway?" Anakin asked.

"Because that's how the story goes, DUH," Sabe said, trying to sound intelligent but failing to do so.

"Ok. Well _Father_, since you and your hunters are so COOL, you guys can be in charge of keeping the fire going. Just take R2 to the mountaintop every day and I don't know, make him temporarily explode or something. We'll settle ourselves here and build shelters and huts for everyone," Luke said cheerfully.

"That's it. Luke, you're grounded!" Anakin fumed.

"You can't GROUND me, I'm LEADER! So THERE!" Luke blew a raspberry.

"Do you see what this Island is adding to the already many behavioral attitudes of my son? We better get rescued soon or I'll be turning into a Sith lord sooner or later!" Anakin said.

"But you're wishes will be at my command soon Skywalker-," Palpatine began, before Obi-Wan sharply elbowed him (again).

Grievous coughed again. "Such a pain it is, my assmar."

"Hmmmm," Yoda suddenly said. "A disturbance in the Force, I sense."

"Mesa scaaarreed, Ani. Mesa saw a munda big BEAST, jump OUT at mesa! Itsa had big floppy ears and a verrryy annoying voice! Mesa got so scared, Mesa woke up from nightmare!" Jar Jar agreed.

"You're beastie enough," Han Solo said. "You sure you're not referring to yourself, gungun?"

"Mesa munda sure! Mesa SAW this BEASTIE, mesa got so scared, mesa woke up from-,"

"Alright, alright, you don't have to REPEAT yourself." Obi-Wan cut in.

"Mesa munda sorry master Obiii, Mesa won't repeat mesaself anymore-,"

"Just. Cut it." Obi-Wan said, straining to keep his patience inwards. Anger leads to hate, hate leads to- But wasn't suffering a path to the dark side too? After all, the combined forces of the council, his troublesome Padawan and the presence of Jar Jar Binks was practically more suffering than anyone could bear.

"Ok WELL! I think we should all just start building our new homes now here on the beach don't you! _Daddy,"_ Luke crooned in his sweetest voice. "I think you should take your FANTASTICALLY COOL hunters and get that signal fire going so _mother dear _can get her shower soon, don't you?"

"Lucas Georgio Armani Bobadillo Skywalker-," Anakin started snarling, but then had a change of idea. "_Darling _Luke, of course. Just try and stay off your sister Leia while I'm gone won't you? I'm sure your, ahem, affections would surely break your poor buddy Han's vulnerable _heart _won't it?" Anakin smirked and went off, Luke's horrified expression imprinted in his mind. Gee it was so good to be bad sometimes.

"What'd he mean, kid?" Han Solo asked slowly.

"Er, I guess he meant not to spend my time secretly plotting against him with Leia," Luke said. "Fathers these days, so paranoid right? Hahahaha!" Luke's laugh sounded fake even to himself.

**On the mountaintop**

"So," Anakin said, staring blankly at the empty land around them on the mountaintop. "How do you suppose we start this signal fire my son keeps going on about?"

Grievous coughed.

"I will not take that..that..NOISE as a dignified answer, skull-head," Anakin sniffed.

"It's GENERAL Grievous –cough- you low piece of jedi –cough- scum." Grievous retorted.

"Sucks to your assmar."

"Miserable fool! I have four lightsabers –cough-. Don't make me destroy you." The droid wheezed.

"HEY! That's MY line!" Anakin complained.

"You're not Vader yet, Skywalker. Patience." Palpatine said.

"Who's Vader?" Anakin wondered.

Palpatine tenderly rubbed his bruised stomach where Obi-Wan had elbowed him before. He decided to stay quiet.

"So, HOW DO WE GET THIS FREAKIN FIRE?" Anakin yelled, frustrated.

"Well, -cough- we could always set R2 –cough- on fire. He IS merely a droid –cough- after all and he'd burn efficiently –cough-." Grievous suggested.

R2 whistled indignantly.

"He says you're just a droid too yourself," Anakin translated. "AND that you're bigger."

Grievous shut up, and stuck to just coughing instead.

"So, any SENSIBLE ideas?" Anakin asked.

"Maybe we could just stand on this hill and wave our lightsabers around for a while. I mean, they DO glow in the dark for a reason-," Palpatine said.

"I always thought that was just to look flashy and cool," Anakin said, confused.

"You have much to learn, Skywalker." Palpatine sniffed. "Anakin's is blue. Mine is red. Grievous has rainbow colors. Jar Jar-"

Palpatine glanced at Jar Jar.

"-Can wave his arms about and shriek the SOS chant. Ok, so. How about we test it out?"

Everyone got in line.

"Ok how about we spell out 'Anakin rocks?' No one could miss that," Anakin suggested.

"Not enough lightsabers," Palpatine said. "How about 'Sith'?"

"But chancellora Palpatina sir! Mesa think dat could spell out something else…something very wude! What if someone elsa sees and thinks like me chancellora?" Jar Jar complained.

"No one else is even CAPABLE of thinking like you Jar Jar," Palpatine muttered.

"How about 'Roses are red, Violets are blue, We're stuck on an island, What can we do?'" Anakin tried again.

"But yousas lightsabers blue Ani!" Jar Jar retorted.

Anakin closed his eyes and tried to remember Obi-Wan's words. _Patience, Padawan, Patience. _

"We could just –cough- spell out 'Grievous' – cough-. Then they'd all get so scared they'd –cough- jet over here to rescue us before I –cough- destroy them with my evil powers and –cough- add any lightsabers to my –cough- collection."

"Yeah sure they'd GRIEVE to know you still EXIST, despite catching assmar," Anakin muttered.

"Perhaps I should just use my Force Lightning and cause a storm so big, the plane will have to land here," Palpatine said wisely.

"Yeah, and end up with another wrecked plane and MORE survivors," Anakin said.

"Mesa hav'n a good good idea Master Ani!" Jar Jar exclaimed. Everyone turned around wearily. "What about wesa spelln out 'HELP'?"

Everyone stared. The 2nd time in one day the daft gungun had said something intelligent! Were they all stoned or had Jar Jar just been cloned? They were all even thinking in rhymes now, as they groaned and moaned.

"Well…well…mesa think'n dat was a good idea…mesa sorry if yousa don't agree to mesas idea, mesa only thought-,"

Everyone got back to being annoyed at Jar Jar and Anakin shut him up before he could continue blabbing.

"Ok let's practice our new cheerleading routine! I mean-," said an embarrassed Palpatine. "Our RESCUE attempt."

Everyone got in line and really flaunted their thing and strutted their stuff. Grievous in particular had a particularly impressive somersault and Jar Jar could do a mean set of splits. Only Jar Jar was meant to be screeching SOS at the top of his voice, so actually he wasn't doing his job. Ok whatever.

Finally an hour later, everyone was panting and sweating. "Great job girls!" Palpatine said, breathing heavily. "I mean men! I mean machines! I mean-."

Anakin used the Force to bring a coconut down from a nearby tree. Using his lightsaber, he cracked it open and drank some much needed water.

Suddenly, Anakin saw a fuzzy thing run past him. His stomach instinctively rumbled. An ewok! NOW he would prove he was fit to be leader by catching the group meat. _Sucks to you Luke! _He thought, and ran after the furry teddy bear.

Anakin ran, panting, chasing the darned brown fuzzball around for the next 20 minutes. How hard could it be to catch and kill a darned Ewok anyway? He was the freakin' Chosen One. He should be spending his time flying around the galaxy, fighting off evil and killing Siths, not chasing teddy bears!

The bear ran around in circles, Anakin hot in pursuit. He tried to bring his lightsaber down on it constantly, but the little furry thing always outran him. Finally Anakin gave up and used the Force to bring the fuzzball towards him. "Now I gotcha! DIE!" Anakin gave a loud war-cry. He was about to stab it with his lightsaber when suddenly-

_DUN DUUUN DUUUN DUNDUNDUN DUUUUN DUUUUN_

Anakin dropped the bear out of shock from the sudden Star Wars theme blaring out of the woods. The bear squealed and ran away. Anakin looked down to find it gone, where it promptly ran back, gave him a sharp kick in his shin, and ran off again.

"OW! Come BACK here you little IMPERTINENT THING that's the CHOSEN ONE you just kicked there! OW!" Anakin yelled.

Dammit! He'd lost the bear again. He now concentrated on thinking what the best punishment for Luke would be when he got back. He vent his frustration by suddenly stabbing a poor innocent nearby tree furiously. The tree was undamaged but his lightsaber promptly snapped in half by the impact of the force. Anakin rolled his eyes and used the Force to put it back together. Then he went back to stabbing.

Anakin was so occupied with venting his anger, he didn't notice the tree start to heat up rapidly from the light of his lightsaber. Even though it was GLOWING red and Anakin's hair was beginning to singe, he was too angsty and furious to even notice. Finally, when he heard the Star Wars theme being blown by the conch again, he stopped his stabbing and Force jumped down to the beach.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"So, did you get the signal fire going?" Luke asked.

"Of course we did," Anakin sniffed. "NO ONE could miss our signal."

Grievous coughed in agreement.

"Oookay. Well. Look at our huts. Aren't they pretty?" Luke said, gesturing.

"_Our _huts? Aren't _they _pretty? There's only one!" Anakin said, disbelieving.

"Well father, they always taught us at the temple its quality, not quantity. But since I also learned how important it is for a jedi to be selfless and always consider others, I have space for one more person to fit in for the night. Where it's warm and comfortable and strong in Force. How about that?"

Everyone instantly turned into angels.

"Son," Anakin said in his sweetest, fatherly voice. "I'm so proud of the work you've done. Look at the way you've organized the island! Even in such a catastrophic and snafu situation you've managed to organize everything so perfectly! I'm the proudest father anyone could have, with the most handsome, intelligent, gifted, talented son ANY man would want! Therefore I would like to spend this one night stealing your space-er I mean, of course, _tucking you into bed _and keeping the memory safe in my heart until you become a fully trained Jedi and start rebelling against me."

Luke considered thoughtfully. A definite 10/10 for soppiness, but acting wasn't too bad.

"Luke," Padme now spoke. "The last 20 years has been the most beautiful and memorable times of my life. Whenever mummy came back home tired from work, all I'd have to do is look into your big blue eyes and I instantly felt happy again. I apologize sincerely for yelling at you when you crashed your father's speeder that time. I now fully realize it WASN'T your fault, that Leia really DID send a giant pink octopus after you to try and catch the speeder so she could just _selfishly _get a ride to charm class for herself. It was also, as you said, largely your father's fault, for leaving the speeder unoccupied outside your window-"

"Alright, alright, time up. Who's next to grovel?" Luke cut in.

"My brother," Leia started. "You do not know how sorry I am for threatening to kill you the other time. I've been tossing and turning, worrying so that you may have taken it to heart and-"

"Too diplomatic," Luke said. He was really enjoying this. "Next!"

"Kid," Han Solo decided to try the short and straight-to-the-point answer. "You're like my best friend."

"Not enough detail," Luke said, bored. "Next!"

"Luke," Palpatine began in all seriousness. "Come to the dark side. We have cookies."

"Cookies?" Anakin looked up eagerly.

Obi-Wan thumped his head.

"Ouch Master! That hurt!" Anakin grumbled.

"Shut up, Padawan. I'm trying to memorize my speech."

"Sorry, Emperor. I mean chancellor. I'm on a diet. Next!"

Yoda stepped forward.

"Too old you are. I mean you are too old. I mean-" Luke babbled, getting more and more confused.

Sabe stepped forward. "Hey gorgeous. You got male!" She said seductively, in a very Paris Hilton way.

"Sorry to bring your hopes up miss, but you look just WAAAAY too much like my mum to contemplate. Next!"

R2 slid forward and beeped animatedly.

"Too foreign." Luke was getting tired now.

Chewbacca stepped forward.

"Chewie, I think you're gonna squash me to death while I sleep, sorry. Next!"

Grievous took a step but Luke promptly stepped forward. "Sorry skullhead. You cough too much. I don't wanna catch your assmar."

The ghost of Qui-Gon Jinn suddenly flew in randomly. Using the Jedi mind trick, he waved his hand and chanted "I will stay in the hut with Qui-Gon tonight".

"I will stay in the hut with Qui-Gon tonight." Luke repeated.

"Although he is so charming and devilishly handsome, I WILL refrain from making a move on him." The ghostly figure of Qui-Gon said again.

"Although he is so charming and devilishly handsome, I WILL refrain from making a move on him," Luke repeated.

"It's okay, Luke," Obi-Wan commented. "He wasn't that good in bed anyway."

3PO stepped forward.

"Please refrain from boring me to sleep with another speech 3PO I beg you," Luke yawned. "I've picked my hut partner. Go away."

"I'm terribly sorry to mislead you sir, but I had no intentions of staying in the hut with you tonight. I merely wanted to comment that the forest seems to have set itself on fire and is well, burning everything down."

"Oh dear. Well, at least we're following the plot. Goodnight." Luke said hurriedly, and rushed inside his shelter with the ghostly figure of Qui-Gon.

"Hey. Wait. Where's Jar Jar?" Anakin commented, embarrassed at himself for noticing.

Everyone looked up at the blazing fire on the mountaintop….


	3. To the candy shop, I take you

Anakin pounced after the Ewok, leapt into the air, and landed flat on his face.

"What on earth are you doing, Padawan?" Obi-Wan asked in shock, emerging from behind a tree. "That is NOT proper behavior for a Jedi."

"Yeah but I'm the CHOSEN ONE, I can do what I LIKE," Anakin retorted.

"If I hear that sad, unworthy excuse for an excuse again, I'll…I'll…" Obi-Wan broke off.

"You'll what, master? Huh? HUH? You can't threaten ME, I'm THE Chosen-,"

"I'll make you share the room with Jar Jar tonight!"

Anakin had a look of horror on his face for a second, but soon lightened up. "But Jar Jar's DEAD!" He cried triumphantly. "The Force is so with me. I told you master you can't threaten the CHOSEN ONE-,"

"No, Padawan, they found him. Jar Jar is very much alive and being. Let's get back to camp."

"Jar Jar is BACK? I have a very bad feeling about this," Anakin shuddered, and miserably trailed after his master.

Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

They headed back to the beach, where Luke was constructing more huts.

"The Return of the Jar Jar," Anakin muttered darkly, and sighed.

"Oh, there you are you lazy, good for nothing- I mean _Father._ Why aren't you helping us with the huts?" He asked angrily.

"I was hunting, son," Anakin replied, just as bitterly. "Incase you don't realize, if we don't hunt, we'll be left with only fruit and lobsters for the rest of our lives, and everyone will get diarrhea. Now you wouldn't want Master Yoda to suffer so needlessly would you?"

Luke looked on in fear, an image of the fearsome green monster with indigestion problems. It was almost too terrifying to imagine. All the huts would just get blown away or burnt down from all that gas!

"Oh yeah? So you've caught something have you?" Luke challenged.

"I NEARLY did. If..If OBI-WAN here hadn't rudely INTERRUPTED my stealth attack-,"

"I'm sorry, Padawan, but I seem to remember you distinctly being on the ground with your face in the leaves when I came across you. The Ewok you were chasing was already across the trees, mooning you. I suppose you didn't see, due to you being flat on the ground." Obi-Wan tried not to smirk.

"You will not interrupt the CHOSEN ONE!" Anakin glared at his master, who was clutching his belly in laughter.

"But NO ONE is helping me with the shelters father!" Luke whined.

"What about Jar Jar?" Anakin asked, smirking.

"What are you talking about? Jar Jar's dead remember?" Luke said, confused.

"But Obi-Wan said…" Anakin glanced at his master, who seemed to have suddenly developed a fascination of inspecting the cuticle on his middle finger.

"YOU-YOU-,"

"Did you say something Padawan?" Obi-Wan asked innocently.

"YES, in fact I DID-," Anakin started, but then remembered what Obi-Wan would say if he finished his sentence. _Frustration leads to anger, anger leads to hate-_ if he heard that useless mantra one more time, he thought he'd explode. So instead he took a deep breath.

"Yes, I was just commenting to Luke about how WISE your teaching was today. Fabulous. Quite fantastic. I consider myself very lucky to have you for a master, Obi-Wan," Anakin said in a droning monotone, constantly taking deep breaths.

"That's quite all right, Padawan. I'm glad you listened for once." Obi-Wan was trying hard not to laugh.

Anakin took more deep breaths, controlling his annoyance.

"Do you have a breathing problem, Father?" Luke asked.

"OF COURSE NOT YOU LITTLE-" Anakin started, but stopped. He knew Obi-Wan would simply quote the stupid Jedi chant again. So once again he took a deep breath and said, quite calmly, "No son. I am perfectly fine. Perhaps I just caught Grievous' assmar. Thank you for your concern."

Luke was so shocked at his father's calm reaction, he decided to take advantage of it as much as he could. "But DADDY, no one's helping me with the huts! I need help! Everyone's going to use them, so why do I have to build them? Why? WHY? WHY? WHY?"

"I'll give you a cookie if you stop saying why," Obi-Wan said. (Sound familiar?)

"Really?" Luke yelped eagerly.

"No," Anakin cut in. "Master, please stop spoiling my son. Now back to the question you were asking before."

"You mean whining before," Obi-Wan said.

"No, being curious about the way our world works and wanting to know more cannot be classified as WHINING. You disgrace me, Obi-Wan." Anakin tried to defend his son.

Luke simply stared in shock.

"Would you care to repeat your QUESTION please, Luke?"

"Er," Luke said with wide eyes.

Anakin rolled his eyes.

"I asked why no one was helping me. With the huts. Why I had to build them all. When everyone else is going to use them. Why." Luke said, mortified.

Anakin gave up trying to be Mr.Nice guy. "That's not my problem, Son. You should've just been born as the CHOSEN ONE, and then the Force would favor you more."

"But what if there's a storm? We'd all get drenched and get blown away and die!" Luke complained, although relieved his father was back to normal. For a minute he had wondered if Anakin had suddenly been cloned or something.

"Well Sabe and Padme would at least finally have normal hair," Anakin said sourly.

"You're going off track, _Father_," Luke muttered.

"Oh I'm sorry _son._ It's not my fault you're too unintelligent to follow my words. I said, hunting and finding food are the most important things on the island for us." Anakin said, very, very slowly and deliberately.

"Are not," Luke said. "How about your little CHEERLEADING signal routine so we can get RESCUED!"

Anakin shot daggers at his son. "I-,"

"Having a Father-Son bonding time are we?" Yoda said cheerfully, walking past. "Well, disturb you I will not." He smirked and went off.

"Are too," Anakin retorted like a baby. "I don't want to live on fruit for the rest of my life! I'll get fat and lose all my muscle and my precious six-pack!"

Padme walked past. "Oh no Ani don't you dare. If you get fat, I am like SO dumping you."

"See? Hunting and finding food ARE the most important."

"Are not."

"Are too."

"Are not."

"Are too."

beepbeep- R2 asked inquiringly.

"No, R2, I wasn't talking to you," Anakin said to the droid. R2 whistled and slid away. He turned back to Luke. "As I was saying-,"

"Are not," Luke jutted in.

"ARE TOO!" Anakin yelled, enraged.

R2 slid back, whistling, confused.

"No not YOU, R2, I mean-,"Anakin got fed up and stormed off.

"Frustration leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate-," Yoda chanted as Anakin swept by him.

"-Leads to the dark side, I KNOW!" Anakin shouted.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Meanwhile, not far away, 3PO and R2 were picking fruits for everyone, because they were so kind, thoughtful and considerate.

Yoda was listening to music with headphones, but seemed to miss the point of having them. He sang with all the soul and energy a little green monster like himself could possibly sing with.

" Like a virgin," Yoda screeched. " Touched for the very first time!"

"If you don't shut up this instant, I'll whack you for the very first time," Han Solo muttered.

"Shut up, you want do you?" Yoda said. "Good idea, that is."

"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP, WANNA HEAR YOU, I DON'T!" Yoda screeched out the Simple Plan number.

"No,no, Master Yoda, it's shut up shut shut up don't wanna hear YOU," Sabe corrected, munching on her starfruit. "It's not trendy to get lyrics wrong."

"GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT OF MY WAY," Yoda continued, regardless.

"There you go! You're starting to get the hang of it!" Sabe exclaimed, very happy with herself. "Damn I want some candy."

Yoda happily pressed fast forward on his ipod and opened his mouth.

"To the candy shop, I take you. Lick the lollipop, I let you."

"I want a lollipop," Obi-Wan said mournfully.

"Go on girl, stop do not. Till you reach the spot, keep going." Yoda chanted, his eyes closed soulfully.

"Um, excuse me!" Leia, who had just joined the group exclaimed.

Luke soon followed, also listening to music, which happened to be the Star Wars Gangsta Rap parody (by Weird Al Yankovic).

"Obi-Wan never told you about your father.."

"Er, I did Luke," Obi-Wan said, confused.

"Tell me what he told you about your father," Luke continued singing.

"He is the most gorgeous, sexy, coolest, hottest guy of all time," Padme commented blissfully.

"Killing me, my loneliness is," Yoda was screeching from the other side.

"He told me enough, he told me you killed him!" Luke blasted, regardless of the others around him.

"Has there been a shooting? How awful! Who was killed?" 3PO exclaimed, handing Leia a grapefruit.

"Confess, I must, I still belieeeevveee," Yoda wailed.

"Then there's something I must reveal then," Luke got louder and louder.

"That you sing worse than Jabba the Hutt and Yoda combined?" Han Solo said. He looked down miserably at his moldy apple and sighed.

"When not with you I am, My mind I lose," Yoda rose to a deafening crescendo.

"I'M YOUR FATHER, I'M YOUR FATHER, I'M YOUR FATHER, I'M YOUR FATHER!" Luke was screeching by now.

"No Luke, I'M your father," Anakin said, approaching crossly. "Unfortunately…"

"HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!" Yoda screeched back.

Finally, Obi-Wan could take no more. Using the force, he lifted the headphones off both Luke and Yoda. They both got very pissed off and started throwing cookies at him. Anakin, suddenly aroused, dived in and tried to snatch as many of them as he could.

3PO had retreated from all the chaos into a tranquil, peaceful clearing deep inside the forest. Here he stood awkwardly and stayed silent, enjoying the stillness. He looked around and admired the flowers growing, beautiful petals emerging from ugly creepers, and birds singing joyfully among the trees. He loved the beautiful nature of the forest. Really, after a few days with the pandemonium that induced from the crowd, it was like he was in paradise.

SPLAT!- 3PO felt a large splat plop onto his metal head and saw a bird fly by above him.

"Drat! Blast these birds! How dare they try and excrete their own filth on my head? I polished it not even half an hour ago!" Worriedly, he raised his hand to the wet splat. It promptly got stuck due to the stickiness. 3PO rubbed his stomach worriedly. What would he do now? With one arm stuck to his head, it wouldn't be long before his arm got exhausted and short circuited!

And this is how R2 found him later, with one arm stuck to his head and one arm rubbing his stomach.

"This is the end of all dignity," 3PO muttered crossly, and grudgingly followed R2 back onto the beach.

Sorry, personally I feel that could've been much better. Guess I'm really hungry and can't concentrate properly XD.


	4. I'm rad, you're rad

"Honestly Grievous, why can't you just get a freakin throat drop? That cough of yours is really starting to annoy m- I mean, it CONCERNS me to know you may have a terminal, serious disease. A GOOD DR-GENERAL like you shouldn't have to suffer so needlessly." Palpatine was whining.

Grievous coughed, and stated mechanically, "I have no throat for the cough drop to go into."

"That's it. I'm going to sulk until you fix that damn cough of yours-,"

"It's not a COUGH –cough-. It's my ASSMAR. If that savant –cough- idiot Windu hadn't –cough- damaged my delicate –cough- lungs-,"

"For Force's sake you skull-head, the guy has no hair and his lightsabers freakin purple! How dangerous can he be?"

"Well from what I remember –cough- in the script, he almost –cough- kills you," Grievous objected.

"I told you, I'm not going to talk to you. I'm sulking."

"Suit yourself," Grievous said, and coughed.

"Neheh," Palpatine stuck his tongue out at Grievous childishly.

Meanwhile on the beach, everyone was enkjoying the sunshine and playing.

"Are you done –cough- sulking yet?" Grievous asked Palpatine.

"Not unless you give me a cookie." Palpatine demanded.

"I guess not," Grievous muttered, and coughed. "Well I was just going –cough- to suggest we run –cough- over everyone's sandcastales, -cough- because we're evil. But I guess –cough- since you're sulking-,"

"Oh alright, FINE! Let's go."

"HAIII YA HEY HEY," Palpatine cried dramatically, like the war cry Red Indians used to give before they stuck a pole through someone's stomach.

Obi-Wan looked up just in time to see the chancellor trip over Chewbacca's body and land straight in his immaculately done sandcastle.

"NOOOOO!" Obi-Wan yelled, looked at his broken sandcastle with a mournful look in his eyes, and started bawling like a baby.

"MUHAHAHA! I feel EVIL!" Palpatine cried menacingly.

Chewbacca grunted and put his headphones back on to block out the annoying voice of the chancellor. He guessed it was better than having Jar Jar around again though.

Palpatine walked around, looking for another sandcastle to cruelly demolish. He found none, Leia and Han already having dismantled theirs to have a sandball fight with each other.

"You know you love me!" Han cried, dodging a sand ball.

"No! I told you, you scruffy looking nerf herder, I love Luke! Didn't you see me MAKE OUT with him just now? Boy that lad sure can move his tongue-,"

"But Luke's your BROTHER," Han Solo exclaimed, throwing a sand ball, which missed and stunned a penguin walking behind Leia.

"So? At least I don't crush on my fellow YETI-," Leia cried triumphantly, out of having found a blackmail excuse against Han, or for having survived the fight without breaking a single nail I don't know.

"He's a WOOKIE," Han said, turning a deep shade of red. "And who even told you that?"

Leia had stalked off, examining her still good-as-new nails. Han, frustrated and tired, grabbed a handful of sand and threw it hard behind him. It hit Palpatine straight in his privates and he doubled over, writhing in agony. Palpatine retreated to the forest, wailing loudly. Grievous followed him.

"How DARE they try to attack me like that? Do they not know who I am? I could easily destroy them both with one flick of my finger!" Palpatine instinctively flicked his finger to demonstrate. A small blue ray frizzled and with a –phut- disappeared.

Grievous coughed.

"Grr. I am angry." Palpatine declared, baring his teeth, and started trying to throw food at Leia's face a few metres away. Cookie crumbs and banana skins formed a neat circle around the princess, but not one caught its aim on target.

"Wow. Dude. You're aiming seriously sucks." Luke said, walking past him.

Leia, at the sight of realizing she was caught in a circle of peeled banana skins and cookie crumbs started to panic. As if almost on impulse, they exploded and Leia fainted while the fire crackled around her. Yoda calmly used the Force Grasp to lift her into the air and out of danger.

"My, my, Princess. Next time more careful you must be," Yoda chuckled, and walked away.

Leia, despite her unconscious state still managed to flip him off.

"Palpy?" Anakin stepped out of the shadows of the trees.

Palptine whipped around, shocked. "What in Force's name did you just call me?" He snapped.

"Oh don't you like it then? How about Tine then? Tina!" Anakin suggested eagerly.

"How about just 'master'?" Palpatine asked grudgingly.

"But that's so uncatchy!" Anakin whined.

Palptine rolled his eyes and handed Anakin a cookie. Anakin looked down at it, frowned slightly, then looked up, his eyes glowing. "Do you have Chocolate chip?" he asked, his eyes lit up like an eager puppy.

"NO, young Skywalker, I do not. I only have the shortbread. Take it or leave it."

Anakin frowned but took the cookie nevertheless.

"Yes so what did you want with a lowly being such as myself, oh mighty Skywalker?" Palptine asked sarcastically.

"I think," Anakin declared between bites of Scottish shortbread. "Since we ARE –the- hunters, we should paint our faces, you know, to look cool."

"Why on earth would you want to do that?" Palpatine cried, shocked.

"Are you deaf old man? To look COOL I said."

"I do not understand –cough- this concept of the word 'cool'. What exactly –cough- do you propose by the meaning of –cough- that word?" Grievous asked.

"Well I was just researching some, err, things," Anakin started, then coughed.

Palpatine looked happy. "Still a padawan and already having the breathing problem. He IS a fast learner. As you were saying?"

"Well I found out that on planet Earth there are some tribes who paint their faces when they hunt. It's like a ritual. Apparantly it helps you camouflage yourself while hunting, and it's like a sign of unity among the group."

"Can you speak in English please, Skywalker?" Palpatine muttered.

"In other words, it will be cool."

"If you say that word once more-,"

"You'll offer me another cookie?" Anakin asked eagerly.

"Damn, plan backfired," Palpatine muttered. "So, what colors can I put on?"

"YOU don't do anything, except help me raid Padme's make up box. You're going to watch ME paint my face, then I will choose what you should wear."

Anakin walked off, grabbing Palpatine's arm and dragging him along.

"Sheesh I thought **I** was the evil Sith lord," Palpatine muttered.

"Did you say something, Palpy?" Anakin asked.

"Yes, I was about to ask when was the last time you cut your nails?" Palpatine asked, rolling his eyes.

"I don't know. Maybe in February?"

"Ah."

"Chancellor?" Anakin suddenly burst out.

"Yes, Skywalker."

"Can I have another cookie?"

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Luke was doing sit ups on the sand.

"89…90…91…" He was counting.

"Counting sheep, are you?" Yoda said as he hobbled past. "Sleepy time yet, it is not."

Luke ignored the nutty old master and got up after finishing his 100th stomach crunch.

Suddenly a space shuttle flew overhead. Luke jumped up excitedly.

"LOOK LOOK LOOK THERE'S A SHIP WE'RE GOING TO GET RESCUED! YAY WE'RE GOING TO GET OFF THIS ISLAND YAYAY-" Luke could not keep in his excitement. "EVERYBODY GET YOUR THINGS, WE'RE LEAVING!"

Padme rushed out, her hair set in rollers with a face mask on. "WE ARE?" She cried excitedly.

"AHHH IT'S FRANKENSTEIN!" Luke screeched, pointing at Padme's creamy face. He fainted.

"Is it the new lipstick?" She asked worriedly. "Which has for some reason, I might add, DISSAPEARED?" she said, with a meaningful glance at Sabe.

"Um, I saw Yoda take it." Sabe shrugged.

"Yes he does look a little redder today doesn't he?" Obi-Wan suggested nervously, indicating to the little green jedi master who was feverishly rubbing on after-sun cream lotion on himself. He had the worst case of sunburn any jedi could possibly get from one day, and it clashed horribly with his mottled green skin.

"Master Yoda! Master Yoda!" Obi-Wan called out. "Pack your things, master! We're leaving this desolate place, finally! We just spotted a ship, come to rescue us! Oh, and Senator Amidala requests you give her her new lipstick back please!"

"What is that you say, Obi-Wan? Gone, the ship is. Saw us, it did not." Yoda went back to applying his lotion.

"But we saw it! It was coming straight for the Island! It must've seen our signal- hey! HEY! COME BACK HERE! WHERE IN FORCE'S NAME DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING? GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT! I'LL GIVE YOU A COOKIE!" Obi-Wan, who saw the ship passing by into the distance, shrieked manically. He was jumping up and down like a lunatic, all dignity forgotten. He was acting like a 5 year old who had just been denied the latest Action Man figure by his parents in the nearest Toy Store window. It was only when the cookies which Obi-Wan had thrown at the ship in vain came rebounding back and hit him square in the forehead, knocking him out, that he finally shut up.

Like a dog sniffing out a bone, suddenly out of the trees came Anakin! He was very happy and was skipping in perfect time to the _dun dun dun _theme that Grievous was coughing out melodically. He also was acting like a 5 year old, only one who HAD just received the latest Action Man figure from his parents. _Like Master, like Padawan_, everyone tiredly thought. "Do I smell COOKIES?" he cried eagerly.

"No," Han Solo muttered wearily.

"Oh well. It doesn't matter, because we have MEAT tonight!" Anakin proclaimed loudly.

"Kobe or US Prime?" Han asked curiously.

"Neither," Anakin replied happily, oblivious to Han's scowling expression. "But look- our first kill! We caught an Ewok! We caught an Ewok! Our first kill! We caught an Ewok! Our first kill! We caught-"

"That's it. I do not care for cute, innocent teddies being brutally murdered simply for their flesh. I'm going vegetarian." Leia declared.

Suddenly, Luke got up from his faint. His eyes were on fire, and he stormed up to a still skipping like an idiot Anakin (who had now started singing and talking in an annoyingly cheerful voice), shaking from his own anger.

"YOU LET THE SIGNAL FIRE GO OUT!" He shouted.

"We ain't got no signal fire son," Anakin sang, tuneless but cheerfully.

"Well, then you weren't DOING YOUR DUTY OF DOING YOUR STUPID LITTLE CHEERLEADING ROUTINE LIKE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO? A SHIP WENT BY!" Luke screamed, frustrated.

"I saw three ships go sailing by on Christmas day, on Christmas day-" Anakin continued.

"That was not a CHEERLEADING ROUTINE-" Palpatine protested, holding the dead Ewok on the stick.

"I SAID, A SHIP WENT BY! WE COULD'VE GONE HOME! WE COULD'VE BEEN BACK IN OUR HOMES NOW, SEPERATED WITH A PROPER BED AND SHOWERS! MOTHER COULD BE HOME WASHING HER HAIR IN A DECENT SHOWER BY NOW!" Luke yelled, craftily bringing his mother into it.

"How could you abandon my need so? I don't believe what I'm hearing. Anakin, you're breaking my heart!" Padme wailed.

"You turned her against me!" Anakin growled at his son.

"No, no padawan, you say that to ME, not Luke," Obi-Wan muttered tiredly, rubbing his sore head.

"But you didn't do anything," Anakin said, confused.

"WHATEVER! THE POINT IS, A SHIP WENT BY AND WE COULDN'T GET RESCUED BECAUSE YOU LOT WERE TOO LAZY TO RELIGHT THE- TO GET YOUR SIGNAL GOING! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF!" Luke cried, wringing his hands in frustration.

"Wecaughtanewok,ourfirstkill?" Anakin answered hopefully.

Luke took out a knife and tried to stab himself, but the blade broke as it hit his stomach. He regretted doing all those sit-ups earlier.

"Hello, DUDE, we got MEAT, okay. Be happy! We have meat. Meeeeeeeaaaat! MEAT! We'll roast it on fire until it's nice and juicy, and it'll be so succulent, so delicious, just like home—"

"'Dude' is MY word father. Don't try to be cool." Luke muttered.

"Hey I'm cool enough already, eh Padme?" Anakin said hopefully, and turned to his lover, who was wailing miserably. A concerned Sabe was standing there comforting her. Very strange indeed.

"She left her teddy bear and fluffy pink bunny slippers at home," Sabe explained sympathetically. "She misses them terribly. She's scared that without her teddy monsters will attack her from under the bed, and she's awfully slippersick."

"I'll sleep with you tonight!" Anakin said, rather too enthusiastically. " I mean of course, to make sure there are no monsters under the bed and all."

Padme smiled. "That's a good idea. We'll set up a mattress under my bed then."

Anakin's smiling face fell. "UNDER the bed?"

Obi-Wan smirked from behind him.

3PO suddenly appeared to ruin the mood.

"Excuse me sir, but I feel that we must address the issue Master Luke pointed out just earlier. Please take no offence at my observations sir, but master Luke WAS right- if the signal had been on that ship would've seen us and I'd be at home, taking a good, long deserved bath for my singed circuits! Dare I say-"

"3PO." Anakin growled. "This-" he said pointing to his palm. "Hand."

"This-" he said, curling his hand into a tight ball. "-Fist."

"This-" he said without any warning, "Punch to face."

3PO's head fell off and Yoda unknowingly sat on it.

**-Fart-** "Oh, excuse me," he giggled.

"Goodness gracious me!" 3PO's head exclaimed from under Yoda's butt.

He fainted.

"Yay all right let's party!" Anakin cried happily. "Who wants meat?"

"Gimme mine cooked Medium, kid." Han called out casually.

"That's SIR to you, Solo," Anakin snapped. "Honestly, people these days, treating CHOSEN ONES like they're just normal people-"

"We got any mustard kid? SIR?"

"No. Oh no it's the end of the world, my life feels so empty and desolate without a jar of mustard nearby. What is the meaning of life if there is no mustard?" Anakin rambled on sarcastically.

"Kid. Shut up and give me the freakin' meat." Han snapped.

"Yes your _worshipfulness,"_ Anakin mock bowed. Han Solo dropped his plate on Anakin's head accidentally-on-purpose.

"That's it. No one does that to the CHOSEN ONE and gets away with it." Anakin brandished his lightsaber.

"Qui-Gon, why the hell did you have to make up that blood title…" Obi-Wan looked up to the heavens.

"Yeah, so this is how we killed the ewok," Palpatine gabbled excitedly. "Vader- I mean Anakin took out his lightsaber and then he-"

Palpatine didn't have to explain any more, and to be honest no one was listening to him anyway. Anakin was showing it in actions.

Anakin was running after Han Solo wildly, wielding his lightsaber around like a madman. Solo was running, crouched, constantly looking back at him in disbelief. But then Anakin's lightsaber broke so basically he was still screaming and running after Solo, but just with an empty handle in his hand. Everyone decided to presume this did not happen in the actual event.

Everyone got tired and went to bed.

"I don't really like you," Anakin was saying to everyone who walked past his hut as they were going to their beds. He was experimenting to see how everyone would react.

So far, everyone had either ignored him completely or simply flipped him off.

"I don't really like you." Anakin muttered, just as Padme came up behind him.

"Oh that's sad. I thought you were pretty hot," she said breezily.

"You are," Anakin said, staring at her- face. They stared into each other's eyes for a long, long time. Padme was very nervous and licked her lips, trying to moisten them. Finally after about 30 minutes, Anakin finally spoke.

"You're rad. I'm rad. Let's hug."

They hugged.

**Authors note-**Ok I personally found that kinda lame and pointless, ill probably rewrite it later…but im going on holiday for 2 weeks from Thursday, so no update for a while! Keep reviewing though )


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